Posts Tagged ‘teens’

One evening last September, a horde of teenagers, walked down the public access path, adjacent to our home, toward the beach. It was dark and the air was filled with loud, young voices. Looking out the window, we saw rows of blinking flashlights from the many I-Phones as they traversed the route like an army of ants. Would put you in mind of 1970s concerts with the Bic lighters flicking in the air or fireflies in the woods on a hot summer’s night.

They were not quiet and voices carry by the water. My husband was not happy. I said, “Ah, it’s a last Friday night hurrah before school. Probably just having a few beers.”

He said, “Mary, we don’t want to normalize this. And it’s after 10:00pm.”

Umm, okay, Dad. lol

They were there nearly an hour. I did call the police (under spousal pressure lol) and clearly stated, “NOT an emergency but a bunch of young folks carrying on by the water.”

The police never came. The kids left after an hour. End of story.

Apparently, not the end of story. The police didn’t come to us because the youthful band was wreaking havoc all over the nearby neighborhoods. They received calls from many residents as the miscreants navigated their way around town. Breaking into cars and causing mischief.

But I did not know this when I went to bed. And I didn’t know it first thing in the morning.

The truth is I didn’t much care about the teenaged nonsense when I actually did find out later in the day-figured the middle class white kids would get a “stern talking to” by the concerned parental units as well as law enforcement. Probably get saddled with some community service and/or reduction in weekly allowance as restitution. I had no doubt that they’d be found and held accountable in some small way. It didn’t effect me in any way and I wasn’t outraged. I was apathetic. End of that story.

Back to the start of my day.

When I woke up, I gathered a trash bag and gloves. Walked down to the beach. I was expecting to clean up the previous evening’s detritus.

I was pleasantly surprised. No red Solo cups anywhere! Spied a couple of discarded cardboard coffee cups. I left the beach with the almost empty trash bag slung over my shoulder and followed the public access path away from the shore. Retracing steps of the- unbeknownst to me at the time -wild and wanton youth! STILL no big loads of trash! Yay, young people! Hip. Hip. Hooray!

I continued up past my house and across the bike path to another trail in the woods. The kids most likely chose this route to get back to the neighborhoods. I had cleaned up this area on a few occasions in the past. Because it was a popular resting place for alcohol bottles. That’s where they all went to die. I once filled up a whole bag of vodka and beer empties. Not a one of them mine! Anyway, the next practical step in good citizenry was to continue collecting trash.

Ambled into the woods with eyes roaming-here and there-mostly at the ground. But I do scan the area. I like to be aware of my surroundings. To my right, among the trees, there was a glint. Something reflecting in the sun-dappled woods caught my eye. I looked closer and saw a bicycle lying on its side. Maybe a small rucksack near the bike.

Ahhh. So the kids did leave a little something in their wake!!

That was my first thought.

I then glanced around the woods. And noticed a figure some distance beyond the bike. It looked like a person hunched over near a tree. You’d have to be looking intently to see it. If you were trotting up the path straightaway you’d have passed both unknowingly-the bike and the bent-over person.

My second thought? After thinking it was a teen’s bike?

I wasn’t alone in the woods!

I’ve hiked in a lot of surrounding woods and was totally aware that people sometimes lived in them. Men.

I felt a touch of anxiety set in at that moment. I might be an older woman but I was still a lone female in a wooded area with no one else in the immediate area. Except possibly a strange man.

I continued looking, firmly rooted in my spot, as it didn’t appear the man was moving. And then I saw a thick rope hanging from a limb.

I ran across the bike path to my house in less than sixty seconds. I opened the front door and shouted up to my husband, “Come, now!”

He was on a conference call. He also knew if I was calling for him then something wasn’t right.

“Leave the dog in the house!”

He came tearing out of the house in his bare feet.

I said, “I think there is a body hanging from that tree.”

He said, “It’s probably the kids from last night with early Halloween pranks.”

I replied, “I don’t think so.”

The cops were called and this time they arrived.

It was not a Halloween prank.

Made the marauding high schoolers seem like really small potatoes.

This the end of the story.

Read Full Post »

I remember when Rory was in high school. One evening, she was dutifully attending to her studies in the home office. She randomly yelled out to me, “Mom, do I have a curfew?”

Someone must have just asked her this question.

Okay, I have to admit there was that moment of “Oh my gosh, I knew there was something I forgot!” And then the following moment of “Oh my gosh, all the good parents have curfews for their children!” And then the culminating few seconds of, “I failed miserably as a parent!”

Then I snapped back to reality. And answered the kid who was doing non-stop school work.  With a rhetorical, “Why? Do you need one?”

No. She did not have a curfew. Even if the town did! Because every situation, every outing really depended on who she was going to be with, what they were doing, and where they were going to be. That was the important thing to us. Simple as that. We decided on a case by case basis.

Every kid is different. Rory didn’t need a curfew in high school.  And that was our decision as parents. Did not matter what other kids or parents were doing.

Believe me, we have made plenty of parenting mistakes. That just wasn’t one of them.

The reason I remembered this today was because I was with a group of parents. Most of whom had eighth graders heading to high school. There were questions.

One was, “What age do they date?”

And the answer is this. When you allow them.

There is a whole lot of information that needs to be examined. Your personal views on dating. Your views as a family. What does “dating” even mean? Does it mean they “like” each other from across the lunch room?

And then you make the best decision for your child. You try to be flexible. But you listen to your gut. What leaves you comfortable. No caving in to adult peer pressure. Or to the whining of your child due to their own peer pressure.

Does not matter if the issue is curfew or dating. Applies to any decision we make for our children. We are the parents.

We all make mistakes. But if we really listen to our guts then we just might make fewer.

Read Full Post »