Archive for the ‘Just Plain Ole Funny’ Category

There are signs everywhere. I mean that literally. For bathrooms. Exits. Stores. Everything.

Thank God most of us can read.

And we always see the same old ones.

Stop. Emergency Exit. Toilet.

We read them on autopilot. Not thinking twice about them.

I was in Mumbai last month. As I was waiting for the elevator I read the sign on the wall.

Do not use elevator in case of fire. 

Made me pause. Because I’ve only ever seen that sign displayed, “In case of fire do not use elevator.”

Putting “Do not use” at beginning of the sentence caused me to hesitate for a second. Like I almost didn’t get on the lift. Not out of spite. Just because I was leaning toward the “Do not use.” Because it was at the beginning of the sentence.

Here is another sign. Located at an institution of learning. I won’t mention the name to protect the innocent.

woman

What’s wrong with this picture? Besides me capturing a tree and a partially constructed KL building in the reflection.

First of all. Just for the record. I am cautious about bathroom signs. I pay very close attention. Probably stems from me possibly wandering into the gents’ bathroom when I was about six years old. At the old Tiano’s Five Acres during a turkey raffle for Little League baseball. Scarred for life. I read and reread bathroom signs all the time before entering. Just to make sure.

I stop and stare at this door. You can’t see this part in the photo so you’ll have to trust me.

It actually says “Push” and yet it has a handle. Me no like. At all.

But that’s not the part that confuses me.

I know for a fact that there are three toilets behind that handled door. So if only one woman is allowed at a time how on earth will I know if someone is already in there??

Me no like.

But I understand it was not intentional.

However, there was a sign at a restaurant in the U.S. that was totally intentional.

I would enter the bathroom door that displayed the “Women” sign.

As soon as I closed the door it had a sign, “Welcome to the Men’s Room.”

Yikes! What? What?

The sadistic beings got me every time. Every single time.

I second guessed myself with a mini heart attack every time. I have to assume I wasn’t the only one. Or the sign wouldn’t exist. They (those evil restauranteurs ) knew the world was full of doubting Thomases –not sure how to make Thomas plural so that will have to suffice. People doubting themselves and their ability to read. And make the right decision.

The world is full of signs. Go for the one that makes you feel good.

 

 

 

 

 

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Thought I would share some photos taken while I lived in Malaysia. They made me smile. Or laugh. Or shudder. Or just pause.

monkeysign

Who would try to feed that bad boy?

sadam

Ummm, okay. Not sure I would ever be a regular customer.

hairysoup

Why are people always complaining about hospital food?

guyonroof

I prayed, “Please don’t slip in your socks!” Most of the fellas go barefoot.

impulse

Not exactly sure what this is but I think I could use one.

naancorner

Fast service no matter how long it takes. Good to know.

Needed cash so I was excited to see the ATM. Until. Sigh. It’s happened to me on more than one occasion.

normal

Day at the zoo. Adult wristband. Validation!

blinker

I know it shows no right turn but that blinker was flashing anyway. Hope they’re okay.

shoe

Those folks obviously didn’t read the sign.

dunkin

Dunkin Donuts. Not just donuts.

hospitalsign

Sign in the hospital. Way to motivate.

mothergoose

Pretty birds just wandering around the neighborhood near school. On the correct side of the road.

pvd

So proud to have grown up in Ode Island. Malaysian heat toasted my bumper sticker.

pink

When you’re not like the rest of the gang.

carparked

This photo was taken by a friend. LOL.

amma

I will leave you with this one.

Who’s a mess? Amma mess.

 

 

 

 

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I received an email from my husband the other day. Most likely from his phone. He is currently living in India while I have been in the U.S. with my daughter for the summer. We were fortunate to see each other for a few days this past July in New York.

The email’s subject was  “Girl Part Needed.”

Ummm, okay.

I was a little taken aback. I know that we have not seen each other in a month and I get that he misses me but he usually verbalizes this and doesn’t ever put anything racy in writing. He knows the woman he married–I am a bit conservative when it comes to that sort of thing.

Then I see the three accompanying links and I am afraid to click on them.

I shouldn’t have worried.

The three links were for grill parts. He wanted me to order them and bring them to India. So that we can barbecue when I finally arrive in India.

I should have known.

#autocorrect

 

 

 

 

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Stayed a week in Vermont this past summer with my cousin.

Two of the nights were at a family run motel. Not my family but a family.

First morning I woke up, grabbed a cup of coffee and went to the grassy area near the parking area.

Spied a woodchuck leisurely foraging in the newly mown grass.

I love wildlife. Think I’m a bit fascinated with their behaviors.

Next morning I wake up, grab a cup of Joe and head to the same place.

Who’s there?

The woodchuck. With his same old song and dance routine.

I chuckled and thought, “Well, isn’t he just a creature of habit?”

Second thing that popped into my mind was, “He’s probably thinking the very same thing about you, Mary!”

It is so true.

God forbid my razor is not in its usual place in the shower. I’d have a conniption fit.

I think about my daily routines.

My shower routine is better choreographed than a Riverdance production. Shampoo first quickly followed by conditioner. Next up is the cleansing of the face and body with a grand finale of the Venus. Two quick strokes under the arms and maybe six on each leg -under the knee of course.

I don’t want to detail the day. You get the picture. You are also a victim of routine.

I tease my Mom all the time. She eats at the same time every day. On the dot.

But here’s the thing. We are all creatures of habit.

It’s comforting and makes life a little easier to navigate.

We all use phrases like, “Getting back into the school routine” or “Have to get back to the routine.”

I just love wildlife. We’re fascinating.

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I’ve spent a lot of time in airports. My last posting was about arrival gates.

I suppose I will just continue with that thread.

Some years ago my daughter, in high school at the time, was returning from Syria where she had been studying for the summer.

I was sort of jacked up anyway. Having just experienced the thrill of seeing/feeling the international airplanes arriving, flat on my back, staring at their bellies.

https://foursquare.com/v/the-airplane-park/4bca5832511f952199adafc7

So, my heart was fluttering while I was waiting for Rory at LAX.

I kept asking, “Is that her? Is that her?”

It was a long time to be separated from my first born. I’m not sure what I was expecting in my emotional state.

I spied a young girl in the crowd at the arrival gate.

“Is that her??????”

Finally, Annie said, “No, Mom, it’s not her. Unless she’s grown five inches and is now a Latina.”

LOL.

 

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A childhood memory popped into my head. Made me laugh.

My best friend, Diane and I were just little kids and sitting under a tree in front of her neighbor’s house across the street.

Portuguese folks lived there. Not unusual in our town.

We had twigs in our hands and we waved them around like they were cigarettes. And spoke animatedly in Portuguese while we “smoked.”  Just nattered on and on in front of this house.

We probably only knew three words or phrases in Portuguese.

Cale a boca. Shut your mouth. We pronounced it like collabuca.

Va’ para casa. Go home. Our pronunciation was Vapadagaza.

Maybe a couple of others.

I’m sure there was a lot of gibberish filler under the tree that day.

Everyone had a parent who smoked back then. But I do not remember the Portuguese moms ever smoking. So I’m not sure where we picked up that scenario.

This memory made me smile for a few reasons.

Because we are still best friends and love each other dearly.

Because our kids are friends.

Because we were a couple of goofballs.

Because I can actually remember something so clearly after forty two years.

Sadly, neither one of us ever learned Portuguese. A pity since we had such promise! 🙂 

Have a lovely weekend. I hope you all remember something that will make you laugh or smile. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I received a text from Annie, my daughter, the other day. She was at school.

“Mom, can you please feed Robert?”

I sighed and immediately texted back, “How much?”

As in, “How much ya gonna give me if I do? What’s in it for me?”

She interpreted it (texts can be so very ambiguous) differently and typed, “Two pinches.”

Robert is her goldfish. A friend gave it to her as a gift. Very thoughtful.

In true Amelia Bedelia fashion I tried to pinch him twice but he is a slippery little sucker.

He arrived at our home with nothing but the clear plastic bag on his back.

And we had nothing. Our goldfish days had long passed.

A glass vase (quickly emptied and the coffee pods tossed onto the counter) sufficed until I could borrow a neighbor’s tank. A friend had leftover food.

I didn’t sign up for Robert and yet….here I am.

I also put off having a dog for years. Didn’t want to sign up for that either.

But I do have to say that Thumper, the manic Jack Russell, keeps me fit. In a fit of laughter.

This morning, on the ride to school, he was in the back. Quiet as a mouse. Until there was a bit of noise.

Annie says, “Thumper! What are you eating?”

Apparently someone left a package of Mentos in the back seat.

I thought it was funny. She didn’t and sort of looked at me disapprovingly. Like I’m rewarding his bad behavior with a few chuckles.

I kept at it. “Hey, new nickname! He’s totally mad! He’s Mento!”

She didn’t think that was funny either.

Also didn’t think it was amusing when I grabbed the nearly full package of Mentos. He only had just the one when he got busted.

She said, with a horrified look on her face, “You’re not going to eat that, are you??? After he’s been at it?”

Ummm, I guess not.

Today, I hope you find some joy and laughter in your pets. Whether you signed up for them or not.

Have a lovely week!

 

 

 

 

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