Archive for the ‘Just Plain Ole Funny’ Category

Stayed a week in Vermont this past summer with my cousin.

Two of the nights were at a family run motel. Not my family but a family.

First morning I woke up, grabbed a cup of coffee and went to the grassy area near the parking area.

Spied a woodchuck leisurely foraging in the newly mown grass.

I love wildlife. Think I’m a bit fascinated with their behaviors.

Next morning I wake up, grab a cup of Joe and head to the same place.

Who’s there?

The woodchuck. With his same old song and dance routine.

I chuckled and thought, “Well, isn’t he just a creature of habit?”

Second thing that popped into my mind was, “He’s probably thinking the very same thing about you, Mary!”

It is so true.

God forbid my razor is not in its usual place in the shower. I’d have a conniption fit.

I think about my daily routines.

My shower routine is better choreographed than a Riverdance production. Shampoo first quickly followed by conditioner. Next up is the cleansing of the face and body with a grand finale of the Venus. Two quick strokes under the arms and maybe six on each leg -under the knee of course.

I don’t want to detail the day. You get the picture. You are also a victim of routine.

I tease my Mom all the time. She eats at the same time every day. On the dot.

But here’s the thing. We are all creatures of habit.

It’s comforting and makes life a little easier to navigate.

We all use phrases like, “Getting back into the school routine” or “Have to get back to the routine.”

I just love wildlife. We’re fascinating.

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I’ve spent a lot of time in airports. My last posting was about arrival gates.

I suppose I will just continue with that thread.

Some years ago my daughter, in high school at the time, was returning from Syria where she had been studying for the summer.

I was sort of jacked up anyway. Having just experienced the thrill of seeing/feeling the international airplanes arriving, flat on my back, staring at their bellies.

https://foursquare.com/v/the-airplane-park/4bca5832511f952199adafc7

So, my heart was fluttering while I was waiting for Rory at LAX.

I kept asking, “Is that her? Is that her?”

It was a long time to be separated from my first born. I’m not sure what I was expecting in my emotional state.

I spied a young girl in the crowd at the arrival gate.

“Is that her??????”

Finally, Annie said, “No, Mom, it’s not her. Unless she’s grown five inches and is now a Latina.”

LOL.

 

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A childhood memory popped into my head. Made me laugh.

My best friend, Diane and I were just little kids and sitting under a tree in front of her neighbor’s house across the street.

Portuguese folks lived there. Not unusual in our town.

We had twigs in our hands and we waved them around like they were cigarettes. And spoke animatedly in Portuguese while we “smoked.”  Just nattered on and on in front of this house.

We probably only knew three words or phrases in Portuguese.

Cale a boca. Shut your mouth. We pronounced it like collabuca.

Va’ para casa. Go home. Our pronunciation was Vapadagaza.

Maybe a couple of others.

I’m sure there was a lot of gibberish filler under the tree that day.

Everyone had a parent who smoked back then. But I do not remember the Portuguese moms ever smoking. So I’m not sure where we picked up that scenario.

This memory made me smile for a few reasons.

Because we are still best friends and love each other dearly.

Because our kids are friends.

Because we were a couple of goofballs.

Because I can actually remember something so clearly after forty two years.

Sadly, neither one of us ever learned Portuguese. A pity since we had such promise! 🙂 

Have a lovely weekend. I hope you all remember something that will make you laugh or smile. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I received a text from Annie, my daughter, the other day. She was at school.

“Mom, can you please feed Robert?”

I sighed and immediately texted back, “How much?”

As in, “How much ya gonna give me if I do? What’s in it for me?”

She interpreted it (texts can be so very ambiguous) differently and typed, “Two pinches.”

Robert is her goldfish. A friend gave it to her as a gift. Very thoughtful.

In true Amelia Bedelia fashion I tried to pinch him twice but he is a slippery little sucker.

He arrived at our home with nothing but the clear plastic bag on his back.

And we had nothing. Our goldfish days had long passed.

A glass vase (quickly emptied and the coffee pods tossed onto the counter) sufficed until I could borrow a neighbor’s tank. A friend had leftover food.

I didn’t sign up for Robert and yet….here I am.

I also put off having a dog for years. Didn’t want to sign up for that either.

But I do have to say that Thumper, the manic Jack Russell, keeps me fit. In a fit of laughter.

This morning, on the ride to school, he was in the back. Quiet as a mouse. Until there was a bit of noise.

Annie says, “Thumper! What are you eating?”

Apparently someone left a package of Mentos in the back seat.

I thought it was funny. She didn’t and sort of looked at me disapprovingly. Like I’m rewarding his bad behavior with a few chuckles.

I kept at it. “Hey, new nickname! He’s totally mad! He’s Mento!”

She didn’t think that was funny either.

Also didn’t think it was amusing when I grabbed the nearly full package of Mentos. He only had just the one when he got busted.

She said, with a horrified look on her face, “You’re not going to eat that, are you??? After he’s been at it?”

Ummm, I guess not.

Today, I hope you find some joy and laughter in your pets. Whether you signed up for them or not.

Have a lovely week!

 

 

 

 

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There are a couple of reasons I don’t always use GPS while I am out driving.

The first one is because I sort of feel that if there is total reliance on this little gadget then I might not ever really learn how to get from one place to another. Of course, this stubborn refusal has resulted in me getting lost. On more than one occasion.

Second reason is that the thing drives me absolutely batty. I am in a constant state of, “This coming left? Wait, this one? The next one? Now?? Now?? Oops. Missed it.”

Rerouting.

Usually adds on eighty four miles to my destination.

I remember watching an episode of “The Office” when Michael Scott follows the directions from his GPS and drives right into a body of water. He yells, “The Machine knows!”

 

The other day my friend and I were going to check out a new shopping center downtown. She was in charge of the GPS. According to “the machine” it’s time to take a right hand turn. More of a u-turn.

I ask, “This one or the next one?”

She says, “Looks like this one. Just take this one.”

I do. And who is driving past as I am trying to do so? A policeman on a motorcycle. He makes a face at me and tells me to pull over to the side of the road.

My friend is almost shoving her phone under his nose so that he will understand that it is not our fault. It’s the machine’s fault!

He totally didn’t care. 🙂

Today, I am wishing you all clear direction! On the road and in your head.

 

 

 

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Living away from home is quite an experience. In some ways it’s pretty surreal. I could write a book.

There are things I miss. Like choices. Might be funny coming from a decision-challenged Libra like me but it’s true.

I was home in the U.S. for Christmas and stopped in the grocery store. I always forget how huge it is. Aisles wide enough for me to do cartwheels.

My daughter and I stopped and had a moment of silence at the entrance.

Instead of keeping it healthy and only sticking to the perimeter we opted to hit the middle aisles. Just to stay current.

The choices! The variety!

I don’t even need to comment on the Goldfish or the Keeblers. You get the picture. Or you see the picture.

But check out that CHEEZ-IT section!

Scrabble Junior with lettered crackers so you can play while you eat. Can’t possibly feel guilty if you are learning.

White cheddar.

Classic Snack Mix for the big game.

And Double Cheese Snack Mix because you know the single dosing of fake cheese just won’t be enough. Okay, that was mean. I do see that they are all stamped with “Made with real cheese.”

Provolone because you just went up a step in the cheese category.

Oh wait, there’s Colby and Pepper Jack also!

Grooves for those of you who like a little texture.

Zings for those who like a little more action.

Whole Grain for you health freaks.

Reduced Fat to fit in with your new year’s resolutions.

BIG for those of you who think that bigger is better.

Cheddar Jack because you just don’t like Pepper Jack.

Duoz because two is better than one. Sounds a bit like the old Schaefer Beer jingle. The one cheese to have when you’re having more than one!

Mozzarella can never be left out of a cheese snack assortment.

Not even sure what the Avengers and Star Wars flavor could be.

Finally, never, ever forget about the Original.

We didn’t even buy CHEEZ-ITS that day. But we certainly had choices.

Way too many.

 

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One evening we were sitting and chatting.

Someone asked, “How did Google get its name?”

My daughter and I spit out answers at the exact same time.

She says, “It is a math term that represents 1 followed by 100 zeros.”

I said, “Go ogle. Go look. It makes perfect sense since the origin of the word ogle derives from a word for eyes. Go look.”

We immediately googled how Google got its name.

Of course, my daughter’s answer immediately popped up as a result of the search. All those zeros representing the endless information on the web.

I couldn’t find my wonderful answer anywhere. 😦

Instead of declaring defeat I stated, “Well, I like my answer better. I’m using it.”

My brother said, “And you’d be wrong.”

I reverted to my ten year old self and retorted, “So what? I don’t care. I’m using it anyway.”

No, I won’t pretend my answer is how Google actually got its name. If that math thingy is their story and they’re sticking to it then I can’t really argue with them.

But when someone’s asking who is knocking at the front door I will just have to spew, “Google!”

If the kid can’t find her homework I’ll say, “Just Google!”

Husband wondering if a program is on the television? Ummm, “Google.”

I might not ever have to utter the phrases “Go look” or “Just go look” again.

New year. New possibilities.

Wishing you all a new year filled with possibility, imagination and humor. And don’t forget, every once in awhile, to give a nod to your ten year old self.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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