When the death of George Floyd occurred I was outraged. Just like many American people. We watched him die. This was no video game. This was a living/dying nightmare.
So what can I do? As a white person?
I can march and show solidarity. That’s important.
But then what?
The way I view marches/protests is this. I liken it to a death.
Everyone gathers immediately to support the bereaved. Show up at the wake. Attend the funeral. Leave the casserole. Order flowers. Make a donation. Be the emotional support that the mourner needs at that very difficult time.
But then what?
Everyone goes back to their own lives. They’ve fulfilled their obligation. It’s just the way of things.
The mourner, however, is all alone-after a week of frenetic emotional activity. And their life is now very different.
Let’s all be mindful of the time ahead. That is when we will be needed and there will be plenty to do.
We cannot allow our flames of passion to be extinguished once the protests have stopped. Because if we do nothing then we are just waiting for the next death. That’s a guarantee.
The casserole is appreciated and necessary. But what happens after the casserole is also appreciated and necessary.
Here is one more story about social media. And using it responsibly.
Maybe it’s more about responsible parenting.
I saw a posting/link on Facebook that someone shared.
About a father in Virginia teaching his ten-year-old son a lesson. The kid was kicked off the bus for bullying others.
Dad made his son run the mile to school each morning. Even in the rain. He filmed the kid’s punishment from the car.
It went viral.
His message to other parents?
Don’t be a friend. Be a parent. That’s what kids need these days.
He felt like filming his son’s punishment and sharing it with millions of strangers was a good parenting move. And I suppose some type of public service announcement for the world.
The father received a lot of positive feedback.
“Good for you!”
“Great parenting!”
“Yay!”
No one wants their kid to be a bully. I’m on the same page and I certainly appreciate his “no bullying” stance.
I don’t agree with anything else.
Good God, I hope he doesn’t run for elected office. Laugh out loud. You all know how crazy stuff can go down. Like a locomotive picking up steam.
I’m not into family shaming. At all.
Why on earth would I publicly shame my own kids? Or even my dog, Thumper?
I didn’t name any of them Hester Prynne.
They trust me. As their parent.
I’m not sure that kid is ever going to trust his old man. Any time that guy whips out a camera everyone is going to stop, drop and roll.
It’s our job, as parents, to determine why a child is bullying others or behaving inappropriately. What is the root cause?
Sure, punish the kid. Even make them walk everywhere because they lost the privilege of riding the bus.
I try not to be too superstitious. Been working on this for years.
Most are harmless enough, right? Maybe even a bit fun.
Not stepping on a crack in the sidewalk wouldn’t have actually prevented “Mother’s broken back.” But it might have made the boring walk down the street to Cabral’s corner market for a loaf of bread and a pack of Mom’s L&Ms a little less monotonous for a kid.
I remember when a bunch of us kids were passengers in Mrs. Gillett’s car. She was our neighbor but also our friends’ grandmother. That’s the real reason we were in the car. Anyway, when Mrs. Gillett came to the railroad tracks in the road she lifted her feet. Not for long. Maybe just a few seconds. Nope, she wasn’t doing it to strengthen her lower abs. She did it for good luck.
I still do it.
But I falter from time to time. Step on cracks all the time and my Mama is perfectly fine.
Recently, I was in a Delhi shop. Narrow as all get out. One of the employees had a ladder out in the middle of the floor. No way for me to go around it. So I waited. Waited some more. There was no way I was walking under that thing. No way.
Also have this other thing. I should always leave from the same door I entered. Not sure where that one came from but I am always aware of it.
But this is absolutely one superstition that should be left by the door.
Here is why.
In 2003 I was living in Dallas, Texas. On a February evening, many, many miles away in my home state of Rhode Island there was a terrible fire in a night club. It claimed the lives of one hundred men and women. And injured hundreds of others. Like horribly injured.
Young people were just having an evening out, listening to music and enjoying a respite from one of New England’s long winter nights. Like I did many a time. As you probably did.
Pyrotechnics (fireworks) which were meant to add a bit to the show ignited the foam that was used for sound insulation in the walls and ceiling. Within FIVE minutes the Station club in West Warwick was engulfed.
People could not see the exits due to the heavy smoke. There was also a massive crush as people tried to get out the main exit. The place where they entered at the beginning of the evening.
So there were different causes of death that night.
The following is a video, taken ten years ago, of my cousin John who was a firefighter in Warwick. It also features his bandmate (yes, singing firefighters) who was actually present at the Station when the fire began. The video is dated 2007 and John has recently retired as a Lieutenant. But the message in this clip is still as important today as it was then.
You do not need to leave from the same door you entered.
John is still in the band and after the tragic Station fire the group would post a floor plan of each venue on their website. He states how important it is to make note of an exit.
I also learned something yesterday that struck a similar chord.
A family that I knew in Kuala Lumpur was recently on a holiday in Yangon, Myanmar. Yes, the perks of living in Asia.
Seems that on October 19th they were asleep in their lovely, colonial era hotel only to be wakened around 3:00am by banging noises. Sounded like people yelling and pounding on doors. But the family couldn’t understand what they were saying. Maybe drunken revelry? Terrorism?
They tried the front desk. No one answering. Finally someone picked up and told them to evacuate immediately due to a fire in the hotel.
The two teen daughters left first and then the parents a few minutes later. The mom was sort of freaked about the separation but they were soon reunited and safe.
Police were shoving people aside and trying to evacuate but there was no clear communication, very disorganized and pitch black.
I want to just note here that this luxurious, teak and iconic hotel was considered a 5 Star property. So it doesn’t really matter where you stay. The rules for your personal safety should always be the same. Regardless of the price tag. Or tag line.
Her advice?
“Don’t take for granted emergency exit information.”
She stressed the importance of staying together. Checking to see if there is a fire alarm and sprinkler in hotel room. Having a plan to meet up if separated. The importance of being close to your family and knowing where they are at all times.
This is the time of year when a plethora of seasonal activities will beckon. Many will welcome the opportunity for indoor, festive gatherings surrounded by loads of people. Seeing the Nutcracker, Christmas musicals, plays, concerts, sporting events and attending worship services.
Some will travel and spend time in hotels. Or pass through airports.
All happy as larks to be in places with closed doors keeping out the cold or staving off the heat.
Have fun but take note of exit signs immediately upon entering. Communicate a place to meet with family members if case you ever get separated. Don’t take for granted emergency exit information. Do your homework. And remember you do not need to leave from the same door you entered. Ever.
Wishing you and all of your families a safe holiday season. Hoping you employ these safety measures all year long. Some superstitions should absolutely be left at the door.
Update: My cousin, John, told me that he was actually supposed to be at the Station the evening of the fire. He did not attend because he didn’t want to be the “third wheel.” But a few folks thought he was there. Including his fire chief.
Just Being Mary 