“A cousin is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.”
I’ve read that quote more than once and I believe this to be the absolute truth. You all know how I feel about family. If we share the same blood/family we are members of a very special club. Ain’t nobody getting kicked out of it. Even if we no longer see each other very often.
I have more than twenty-five first cousins. But when I was a kid most lived in Ireland and some in England.
So, sadly, I didn’t share a childhood with all of my cousins. But that was just reality.
The ones who I did share my childhood with consisted of three families who lived in the U.S. like me.
They were my Dad’s sister, Rose Marie and her family in New York. In Rhode Island we had the families of Mom’s sister, Patsy and her brother, Jimmy.
Summer holidays and other times during the year were spent with the New York cousins.
Christmas, Easter, cookouts and regular Sunday visits to the grandparents were spent with the Rhode Island cousins.
Oh, what fun we had when we were young.
There were the older cousins in our (my brothers and me) age range and then a few younger ones came along in the 1970s. That was pretty exciting for us. Everyone liked babies and they were just absorbed. Welcomed into the fold.
That’s the funny thing about babies. They are not like the future in-laws who take awhile to break into the family. To be a part of the club and inner circle. Going through the initiation and all.
But a baby? Born into the family? The bouncer just lets that little bundle of joy right into the club! Like a celebrity with status. No stopping at the door, stamping its hand or questioning their right to be there. They’re totally in!
One of my baby cousins died on March 18th. John was just shy of his forty-seventh birthday. He will be interred tomorrow with his beloved mother.
I last saw him when he made the trip to Rhode Island for my Dad’s funeral three years ago. Even though it was a sad time I was really happy to see him and so many family members. These days everyone lives in different places and reunions are not always easy or frequent. So weddings and funerals are the “go to” places for the big catch ups.
John was a beautiful child. An adorable kid with a mop of curly red hair. He was intelligent and good humored. He was a nice and decent boy who grew up to be a nice and decent man.
He died young. Too young.
For the record, I think all deaths under the age of eighty are sort of tragic.
Today is no different.
John died because he was a human being. Lest we forget -we are all afflicted with that title.
A death reminds us that we are all human. Some might dodge the bullets of life. Others aren’t so fortunate and get hit head on. But we all know, really, that sometimes we just have no say or control. Our expiration date, like a milk carton, might (I say might) have been printed long ago. Even if we argue or beg that it could have been/should have been different.
It’s still tragic. It’s heartbreaking and sad.
One of the benefits of being in the cousins’ club is that there is only love. No jealousy or judgement. We’re family and are grateful for the shared and special memories. We take joy in the success and happiness of each other. We are sympathetic when one is experiencing family problems, job loss, illness and other maladies of life.
There is profound and utter sadness when we lose one of our gang.
When John was a baby I was sleeping at his house one weekend. Poor little thing couldn’t pronounce my name (Mary Beth) but he tried. In the morning I heard a little voice coming from the crib, “Maybell?”
Since then it’s been “ours” and we didn’t ever let it go.
So every year on our birthdays and other Facebook messages we used Maybell instead of my real name. Now, I’m wondering if he actually ever knew what my real name was.
Anyway, it was like we were little kids. He in his forties and me in my fifties. In a way, a simple word brought us back in time and kept us young. Even if it was for a minute. It was a shared memory.
See, because a cousin is a little piece of childhood that can never be lost.
John will always and forever be a part of my childhood that can never be lost.
We will miss you, John. Rest in peace. Like one of your sisters said, “Rest is not so easy right now on this side of Heaven.”
The club will no longer be the same, little cousin.
With all my love,
Maybell
In memory of John J. Kelly
1971-2018
Just Being Mary 